Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Found your dick twin last night
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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