Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
