Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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