I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
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went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize