My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
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