Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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