oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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