i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
