Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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