I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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