we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
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