Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
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You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
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How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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