Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
