I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
