Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
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are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
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Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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