I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
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