taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
