96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
