I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
