Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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