my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
