I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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