How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
