4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
