I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
My friends, they love my intelligence
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
