i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Randomize
