This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
