Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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