After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
