He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just found a bag of teeth...
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I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
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I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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