Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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