its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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