IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
