you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
