I feel great
I just peed on a car
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
