So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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