what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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