I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Randomize
