So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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