Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I am midnight drunk by noon
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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