Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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