Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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