This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Randomize
