Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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