You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
He kissed a someone with a penis
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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