You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
