so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
