The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
