Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
