I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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