dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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