Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
