i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
