She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
