i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
