i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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