You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
