did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
