you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize