did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
God, I missed his penis.
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