he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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