Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
And then the night went full on bisexual.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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