Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
